A is for Akzeptanz

This is post inspired by Deepak Chopra and Adam Plack’s Soul of Healing Affirmations, which I discovered in an iTunes search for meditation inspiration.

Today I will accept myself, just as I am. Knowing this, I will see the world, just as it is. And it the clarity of that awareness, I will feel peace, harmony, laughter, and love.

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It’s been four weeks since we left our home in Portland. My body got in the cab that Friday evening, but my spirit is still hanging around Maryland Avenue, hanging out in the treehouse under the apple tree and lingering next to the garbage cans by the curb, just to say hey to the neighbors on their way to New Seasons. In the hustle to get our suitcases into the cab, I forgot to whistle my soul into the van. Now I find myself traveling there every night in my dreams, still packing up shit that is long gone. Then I wait to be picked up, only to wake up and discover that I’m already here. What did I want Berlin to be, I don’t know anymore. I guess I assumed I’d transform into a Berliner somewhere on the journey. That didn’t happen, instead I turned into a baby who can’t express herself well and is crankily hungry for affection. I don’t think there is any avoiding this infantile moment. I just need to accept that I am going to suffer the indignation of it all, without the humiliation of diapers, thank the good lord. A letter arrived in the mail today however, and I nearly peed my pants. I’ve been starving for some recognition, like some award was going to arrive saying, good for you for being brave. No one is going to send me that award, but my Pa’s handwriting with a global forever stamp felt pretty damn close. After opening his letter, I walked into the market that I have been avoiding and struggled through ordering a pile of ham and sailed through purchasing a load of produce and felt a little less like a baby and more like a competent toddler. I may never retrieve that piece of my soul hanging out in North Portland, but I feel like I may finally be accepting the new sprout growing in Germany.

2 thoughts on “A is for Akzeptanz

  1. Catching up on your blogging. Pictures are beautiful! And is that Olive hoasting some refreshments?
    She looks exactly like you!! What a sweetie. Sounds like you might be a little bit down. Knowing of your genetic makeup, you will soon find yourself. Know that you are where you are supposed to be for now.
    Who can guess where the next place might be.
    Love to all,
    Aunt Jane

  2. Sounds like a soul retrieval is in order. I wonder if there is a global forever stamp for astral delivery? If she’s still there, I bet she’s hiding in the rosemary. We’ll see if we can coax her out of Baba’s Bungalow with smoke and bowls of milk. Our hearts still wanting to grab what’s left of her and shove them deep into our apron pockets.
    FK we miss you.

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